At 18 my daughter wanted to sort through her old bedroom and get ready for the next stage of her life – leaving to study. It was a really exciting but potentially overwhelming time for her and she wanted some help stepping out of her childhood comfort zone and getting herself organised and ready to leave home. A lot of the things she’d gathered over the years could go but she still wanted a familiar comfortable room to come home to in the holidays. It needed to be a room that could continue to evoke the familiarity of her teenage years whilst allowing her space to grow into the adult she was becoming. It was a hard balance to strike.
As her Mum I was too close to the decision-making process to be able to help. I fluctuated wildly from ‘lets clear all that out and start again’ to ‘you can’t throw that away, I remember when I brought it for you’. We decided we really needed some help. This felt pretty daunting as the room was a mess and someone would need to look through all her personal belongings. It had to be someone we trusted and could let our defences down with.
We spoke to Jane and she was immediately very reassuring to both of us with her calm and carefully paced approach. There was no judgement on my lack of housekeeping prowess which immediately made me feel better, and she approached the job with a practical but gentle approach which won over my daughter. Nothing felt rushed and Jane prepared us well for the emotionally intense journey ahead as memories and possessions were sorted through. My daughter always felt like she was at the helm of the decision making and also enjoyed being able to talk about the memories associated with many of the items as she decided which to part with and how to store the remainder. This was a critical part of the organisation as Jane was very intuitive in understanding what sort of system would work for my daughter so she could really enjoy her future room.
The relationship between them was great and I was only involved in checking the items before they were chucked or given away. Jane was even able to suggest ideas for new furniture and storage boxes which were perfect.
It was an experience I would recommend to any parent wanting to support a teenager moving on to adulthood. It was a wonderful rite of passage that I am certain helped her prepare her for college life by examining, celebrating and curating her favourite parts of childhood whilst planning for her new future as a young adult.
My recommendation: buy this as an 18th birthday gift!
Belinda, Wiltshire